Riding That Co-Vid19 Emotional Rollercoaster
For the record, I dislike and have always disliked rollercoasters. Even growing up as a kid, it was almost a punishment to me when my friends would ask me to go to the local amusement park. The sentiment was enforced more recently when I accompanied my best friend to P&G Day at Kings Island and we rode 3 of the tamest roller coasters in the park. We only lasted about 45 minutes, left with splitting headaches, and both felt sick for the rest of the day. Give me that steady, even terrain, perhaps with a long sloping hill or two.
Obviously, that's not how life works. Not only is life a roller coaster, but sometimes you get back handed and tripped into a puddle. In a cruel twist of Universal timing, shit has hit the proverbial fan the same week of an aggressive case of PMS. This week, I found out my place of employment was forced to close, rendering me (hopefully only temporarily) unemployed. Let the rollercoastering begin.
Morning 1: After a fitful night of sleep, I woke up and cried twice before 9am. Once, due to anxiety and personal turmoil, and the second time due to a beautiful act of kindness from one of my clients. I also learned to navigate the government unemployment website- along with about a gazillion of my fellow Americans. Respect for the poor souls working in the unemployment offices right now.
Morning 2: Woke up before dawn literally dripping sweat. Not sure if I am now experiencing hormonal hot flashes or just having anxiety dreams. My body isn't understanding that I am allowed to sleep in past 5am now. My cats aren't understanding either. With all my extra morning time, I did an hour long yoga video. Later, I went to Whole Foods to get a few things and had a very pleasant shopping experience. Anyone else just so confused about how much to get? I don't want to hoard but I also don't want to get an announcement that we can't leave our houses for a month and I don't have any beans left, or more importantly, copious amounts of kettle corn and canned organic wine.
Side note on supply purchasing- in case you don't follow my Instagram feed, I purchased a bidet attachment for my toilet about 6 weeks ago. Firstly, LOVE IT. Highly recommend. You will have the cleanest butt ever. Secondly, it's proving to be insanely helpful in this TP crisis we are having. I was going to get a few rolls at Whole Foods, but they had none. Thank you, bidet.
Morning 3: Still waking up stupidly early. Yay. I spent an hour reading scary news articles and really stoking up the anxiety flames, then decided to snap myself out of it by reading a self development book so I don't turn into a lazy, directionless loser that wears the sweatpants that make my butt look like a really full diaper 7 days a week. Followed it with 45 minutes of yoga to reflect on my bad habit of negative self talk. Namaste. A quick run to the post office got me out of the house, and then I made a last minute decision to take a walk in Ault Park. With the rest of the surrounding population. Mad props to moms who have little kids (or big kids) at home all day. FROM WHAT PLANET DID YOU INHERIT YOUR SUPERPOWERS? I would literally be tires to the pavement, pedal to the metal driving to Mexico by now. Respect.
I know I make jokes when this is a real crisis with real consequences and I am able to be in my little home bubble and I am not risking my health and my life like our absolutely incredible healthcare workers, not to mention the industries that are insanely overwhelmed by this virus. This segues into what has gotten me through more than one panic spiral in the last couple days- counting my blessings. I'm no stranger to the mantra of practicing gratitude, but for some reason it takes my dense brain a global crisis to like, REALLY get it.
As I stared at my bank account and went through a budget and about a 100 'what if' scenarios, I had a kick in the gut moment that I have it better than many. I have an emergency savings, I have a really nice place to live, I have food in the cupboards, I don't have to worry about children, I have people who would help me if I asked, I can sleep in later in the mornings, I just got my eyelashes tinted so I will look way better at home with no one to see me.
While I know that the emotional roller coaster has just begun, I am reminding myself that unless I want to just freak the F out and rock back in forth in a corner, I have to turn to the positives:
-practicing daily yoga and meditation
-reading self development (and fun) books
-doing all the things I used the excuse of "I don't have enough time" in my regular life like art projects, organizing, giving myself manicures, checking in with friends I haven't talked to in awhile
-long walks in nature (while we are still allowed)
-shit, just binge watching some TV- I didn't have that luxury before!
If you want to keep up with me on this crazy journey, or you are literally so bored you have nothing else to do, keep following my blog. I have plenty of time to make posts now. My heart goes out to the whole world that is being affected by this pandemic- especially those in dire financial straits, healthcare providers, and toilet paper manufacturers.
Stay kind. Help your neighbors. Share the TP.